Freedom & Princess Boys

I have what I like to call “Movie ADD”, meaning that I have a very hard time retaining the specifics of any movie that I watch. Unlike my husband, a true movie buff, who can re-enact scenes or quote lines from his favorite movies verbatim…I only remember the very general themes of most movies. While I might be totally engrossed in a film as I watch it, five minutes after I turn it off…my brain has already started to forget it.

But there are a few classic movie scenes that are seared into my memory because they resonate very deeply with me and touch something very primal and unguarded in my psyche. They inspire some kind of shift. They activate something that’s dormant and waiting to be watered. Often, these scenes come at a time in my life where they seem to directly address some existential conflict that I’m working through. Essentially, they speak to me at the right time.

I was 19 years old when the cult classic, the Matrix, was released. Like so many people, I loved the movie and could relate to the socio-political and spiritual themes that permeated the film. At 19, I occupied that vague, dark, and nebulous space where I was trying to piece together a personal identity and a world view, while trying to reconcile all of my life experiences up until that point. I knew something was fundamentally flawed with the way that I had been educated and socially conditioned and yet, I still did not know that what that meant. Like Neo, I knew something was wrong…but I had no substitute. Nothing to counter it. No example of “right”.

So when I watched the scene where Morpheous offered Neo a choice between the red pill and the blue pill, something made sense. Something that had been disconnected and confused, suddenly snapped into place and breathed a sigh of relief. I understood. Freedom is a choice. But it’s a choice that scares most people out of their minds.

I knew that something was wrong with the way that other people and institutions had come to define my life. But without their definitions, who was I?  Yes, I wanted to reject the notion that “they” had the power to make me, but the alternative meant that I would have to  be fully responsible for creating myself. Well, shit.

Is it any wonder that most people choose the blue pill?

The responsibility that comes with freedom tends to overwhelm our  hearts and souls because we have been so deeply indoctrinated, directly and indirectly, to fear freedom. There are those who use fear as a tool to augment their power and control. These people/institutions  benefit greatly by dis-empowering the masses through both patriarchal benevolence and outright intimidation. The result  is that you have people screaming that they want to be free while secretly being scared of a world where there are no pre-set boundaries. Most of us have been taught not trust ourselves and so we hand over our personal power to men who promise to govern us for us.

Subconsciously, many of us have a hard time imagining a world where no one has told us what clothes to wear, what music to listen to, what political party to vote for, what books to like, how to measure success, what God to worship, and who we should be.

At 19, I chose the red pill and made a firm decision that I was going to reach for freedom every day of my life. I was going to make a conscious attempt to confront fear head on every time I encountered it in myself.  I wanted to live a life defined by me.  When I was 20, I divorced organized religion but still had not created my own spiritual definition.  That took another 8 years. I regularly encounter religious people who ask me, “well, if you don’t have a church or follow a book, how do you know what to believe?”

 

There have been times where my choice to be free has resulted in me occupying  the loneliest spaces because I abandoned some pre-concieved construct that didn’t fit my life but had not yet created my own thought to fill that space.  Some personal relationships have had to be severed. It has involved surrender and release and painful transformations. My quest for freedom has required me to leave old, stagnant, pieces of me behind…. smoldering in the ashes.  And sometimes, when I feel overwhelmed, the bliss that ignorance and illusion provide, seems so seductive.

Ignorance = Bliss...and bliss is kinda sexy.

But despite the fact that choosing freedom can mean personal isolation and social ridicule, it was the best choice I ever made. It has allowed me to chip away at the fears and inhibitions that threaten to thwart my progress and stunt my growth. It has allowed me to get to know who I am underneath the titles, classifications, possessions, and circumstances. And when I take inventory of my life, this choice has yielded results that confirm that this was the best decision I ever made. Throwing off the shackles of  “who I am supposed to be” or “who I’ve been taught to be” has allowed me to get to know and LOVE who I truly am.

 

With that being said, I want to talk about Dyson, the Princess Boy. If you don’t know who he is, check him out.

 

Now, I commend Dyson’s parents.

 

But I want to know….what do you all think?